I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
