yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
