The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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