i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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