I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
