the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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