i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
