based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I understand Curling. That high.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
