giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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