so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
