Your dad touched me again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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