This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
