I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
