3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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