Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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