I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
