I need help removing her.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
