I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
