we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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