If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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