Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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