I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
