I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
