I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
