hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
