Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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