Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
