You can't motorboat a personality
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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