You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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