His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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