I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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