can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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