I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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