i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
