Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
