My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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