i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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