And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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