whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I believe in your delicious
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
there is glitter all over my balls
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