just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
