You made me cry and you don't even care
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
