please come you make the beer taste better
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
