Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
