It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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