I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
