i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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