just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
