Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
