you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
