I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
