The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
