I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
