My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
