I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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