Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
